Dear John

Are you coming home today?

I’ll be sat here by the window, waiting

With a hug and a tear and a sugary tea.

The afternoon, darkness arrives

And the rest of the family comes together.

I still serve up your supper

In case you return at that time, hungry.

Your little brother stands sentinel

Holding onto your chair.

We sit in silence

Until the moment I throw your food in the rubbish

And with it the day’s hopes of the family.

Dear John,

Are you coming home this year?

I’ve bought you new school uniform

One size larger for one year later.

I’ve cleared away your teddies

Thinking you’re too old now.

But I’ve saved them if you still love them

They are not lost.

I know how it feels to find your beloved gone.

Dear John,

There is a policeman at the door.

I pray to the God that ignores me that this man brings good news

But his face says otherwise.

I hear the words

And fall behind the biggest cloud.

Dearest John,

I can’t talk to you anymore

Knowing that you are gone.

I can’t talk to anyone.

I get up

I stare into my cup

Watch the tea get as cold as my heart.

You weren’t the only life those monsters took that day.

A family here, crushed.

A happiness destroyed.

When I see the photos of them

Japing over your grave

I’m sick for the last time.

The final victim.

Death, a chance to see my beautiful boy again.